As we continue the conversation about the church, I wanted to include a discussion of the importance of intimacy in building life-changing relationships.  The following is an article I wrote a few years ago.

What Intimacy Really Is

I am convinced that every person has an innate desire to know and be known.  Primarily, we are driven to meet our own personal needs first before setting out to meet the needs of others.  In the context of relationships with God and relationships with people, we desire to be known.  It is the notion of empathy whereby we simply want to be affirmed that who we are and what we think matters; that it has value and significance.  Indeed, intimate relationships are those in which others truly understand us, even if they don’t agree with us (Wilson and Hoffmann 2007, 34).  As such, we may confidently affirm that intimacy is really any relationship where we know another fully and where we are also fully known (Wilson and Hoffmann 2007, 35).  Of note, is the notion that we might know another fully yet not be known by them fully.  Further, one may be known fully, without knowing the other fully.  As such, the intimacy in the relationship is limited in scope and does not encapsulate the true sense of intimacy which seems to demand mutuality.

Why Intimacy is Important

Intimacy is important to every aspect of our lives due to the intrinsic need humanity has to do life in community with God and other people.  Community is rooted in the very nature of God’s personhood and, therefore, existed before creation (Gorman 2002, 25).  Further, is the notion that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18) and as such community and intimacy with God and people is inherent to the created order.  Indeed, the record of Adam from the beginning until now reflects God’s design that we enjoy Him in relationship and that we know community with one another (Gorman 2002, 29).  Our relationship need to know and be loved by others was etched into the very image of God within us.  Therefore, community is never optional – it is necessary for being what God designed us to be (Gorman 2002, 29). Our spirits cry out to be known by another, to be loved by another, to be affirmed by another (Icenogle 1994, 27).

At the same time, in the midst of our crowded existence, many of us are living lonely lives.  We live and work in a sea of humanity, but we end up missing out on the benefits of regular, meaningful relationships (Stanley and Willits 2004, 24).  People who don’t have meaningful relationships tend to fear intimacy more.  People who fear intimacy think that if others really get to know them, they won’t like them.  So they would rather stay disconnected than risk rejection (Stanley and Willits 2004, 32).   Indeed, we hide both our sexuality and spirituality in the presence of another being, whether God or human.  While the desire for relationship is strong, the fear of intimacy is also strong (Icenogle 1994, 28).

A Scriptural Case for the Importance of Intimacy with God

The importance of intimacy with God is illustrated in Luke 15:11-27.  Primarily, we observe the inadequacy of humanity to “go it alone”.  The quest to find worth and value in anything but God will prove to be elusive, empty and hollow.  Further, is the notion that mankind must recognize that his need for intimacy and relationship can only be found in the Father.  Finally, is the wonderful truth that the Father willingly takes us back in spite of our attempts to find fulfillment in the trappings of temporal life.  We do not need to fear rejection, shame, or failure when returning to the Father.  He takes us back into intimate koinonia and fellowship.  The Father redeems intimacy through no-strings-attached compassion, mercy and grace when the confession, repentance and continual faith of His children.

WORKS CITED

Gorman, Julie A. Community That is Christian: A Handbook on Small Groups. 2nd Edition. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2002.

Icenogle, Gareth Weldon. Biblical Foundations for Small Group Ministry: An Integrational Approach. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1994.

Stanley, Andy, and Bill Willits. Creating Community: 5 Keys to Building A Small Group Culture. Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2004.

Wilson, Michael Todd, and Brad Hoffmann. Preventing Ministry Failure: A ShepherdCare Guide for Pastors, Ministers and other Caregivers. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2007.